A Little White Lie
by g-draco
Summary: "Sorry for rejecting your feelings, Hanyeon. You have to know that I was as hurt as you are, maybe more than that. But I'd better keep it as a secret." My first Bigbang story. Kwon Jiyong & Kim Hanyeon - as yourself. RnR, please!


A Little White Lie

Cast: Kwon Jiyong, Kim Hanyeon, Kwon Dami, Lee Seunghyun (Seungri), Choi Seunghyun, Kang Daesung, Kim Minseo.

Pairing: Lee Seunghyun x Kim Hanyeon; Kwon Jiyong x Kim Hanyeon

Genre: Romance

Languange: English

AN: This is my first story. Sorry for some false grammars and bad idea of ending T^T But still, enjoy!

* * *

><p><em>Dear Hanyeon,<em>

_You might have no idea about who I am, but I know I have known much about you_. _Sounds weird, eh? But the truth said so. You're from Cheongju Junior High, the place where my sister ever went to. You came here with your friends, which I've seen them talking with you a lot. You have your hair ponytailed, and your upper bangs clipped on. You seemed to be a quite but friendly freshman to the other seniors here in high school._

_But I can only saw you from the distance._

_It seemed to hurt me a lot. I think I supposed to be the one who was talking with you, smiled at you, and not being a stalker like this. I've never been being a stalker before, because I neither want to. But today, your attraction seemed to attract me a lot these days._

* * *

><p><em>Hey Hanyeon,<em>

_It's Wednesday today. You know why I have to care a lot about this day? Because I know, today is your practice day since you became the represent of the school's singing contest. I told them I have a good shot out of the room so they let me to go outside._

_All I can do that time was just taking a lot of pictures of you, that I've done these past months. I smiled at the beauty of you, imagined that I could stare at your cute face every time I want without any awkwardness. But I don't know. I seemed to be scared to let you know about my feelings. I also don't want you to get attacked by those stupid girls that always shrieking and yelling my name whenever I walk in front of them. You know, they always being so bitchy by giving me those nice attitude and gifts, but cruelly tricked on their 'rivals' in my back. I won't let you being tricked by them, never._

* * *

><p><em>Hanyeon,<em>

_Finally today you knew me. It's a little bit awkward to me when you suddenly gave a can of Diet Coke to me, said that you saw me and you think that I might be thirsty after my dance club practice. But don't mind me. I'll always like it._

_Your friends told you to be on the dance club so you could dance like your idols did. I hoped you really said yes, but I hate to smile when the facts said you're too busy to join the dance club. Well, I know it's kinda weird for a diligent student like you to join a dance club, since I saw you were already joining the French and Japanese club. But it's really okay to me. As long as I still have a chance to see you from the distance, it'll be alright._

_I've recently been watching at the stars tonight. It seemed to be so bright and beautiful, even it surrounded by a dark night sky. It also remembered me about you._

_Mind if I write this short song, Hanyeon?_

_- _  
><em>The field of reeds are dancing all alone<br>I remain paused at a green hill, holding a conversation I've yet to finish with you  
>The sky is an expressionless face that holds no answers<br>You're probably hiding behind the clouds, you're probably a star_

* * *

><p><em>Dear Hanyeon,<em>

_I saw you today again on the cafeteria. But this time I only gave you a quick glance which you didn't know, since lots of my friends were here and I won't let them know about this feeling. But I couldn't take my eyes off of you. One of those stupid girls was trying to insult you. They started to tell you those liar thoughts, telling that you were ugly and you won't get any chance to get me._

_I don't get it. Why they told you like you're one of their rivals? Why they told you those bullshits when you did nothing to them? Are they trying to impress me?_

_I wish I could be there and defend on your side. But if I did, I will just make you fall deeper into danger. They will do everything to get you out of their crazy little world, and I won't let you get any problem._

* * *

><p><em>Hanyeon,<em>

_Did you get the rose? I wish I could hear your reaction after you found that rose on your desk. I'm glad that Daesung was actually there so you thought it was Daesung who put that on your desk. Despite the fact you was a bit disappointed to know that, but I was happy enough to see your smile before that. _

_But today I'm a bit disappointed. I saw you were on the Theatre Hall and you were heading to your house. But then Minseo hurt her leg so I should drive her home. I wish you are the one who rode on my back, not Minseo._

_I realized this is the only thing I can do. Wishing, and keep on wishing. Wishing you where like this, wishing you were like that, without making any change on myself so I could make it happen. I know you might think that I was a loser, but this is I am. I am Jiyong, who never could have any chance to declare my feelings to you, just because of myself._

* * *

><p><em>I'm glad that you were getting to know me, Hanyeon. That means I will always get a chance to talk with you all the time.<em>

_I started to see changes on you. You were not wearing your glasses anymore, and you started to have more confidence to talk to me. I sometimes saw you being so nervous whenever I caught your attention when I was starring at you. Maybe it was just my feelings or something. Don't mind me._

_And by the way, it's a good thing to know that you also like hip hop and electro like I do. I don't think much that you would like those raps and catchy beats that I sometimes listened to. I wonder if we could go a hip hop concert together someday, but I don't know. I seemed to be coward whenever the things went to be like this._

* * *

><p><em>I stayed up late again tonight. My head seemed to be hurt every night nowadays. I wish I could have you here by my side so it could give me relief. I could only wish, I know.<em>

* * *

><p><em>Today is such a special day for me since Seungri was already in Seoul since last Saturday. He just got back from America after a student exchange program, and he seemed to have so many changes. He's no more like a quite person I used to know. He seemed to be more friendly and full of ideas. Maybe it's just kinda weird for me because we have known each other since we were babies. But don't mind me. I'm glad that there are so many good changes on him.<em>

_And you know what, Hanyeon? There's so many girls chase after him. It kinda gives me a relief because all the stupid girls who were chasing on my back were starting to decrease a little. So I could have so much time to spend with you._

_Ah, and today I've seen your appearance on the competition. Your voice was so wonderful, like it was the most wonderful voice I've ever heard. And I'm glad that we could talk to each other after the competition, also for your sweet victory. Finally everyone started to know you well, but I hate it much to see that you gained a lot of fans here in high school._

_But that's okay. We've known each other like best friends already :)_

* * *

><p><em>I saw you again today, Hanyeon.<em>

_I saw your bright eyes, stared upon that blue sky. Your hair flows perfectly as the wind blew by, making me in such of soft feeling I've ever felt before. Your smile beautifully completing you outer beauty, shines brightly after the sunlight. Your smiles reflected such a calm and warm personality, which could bring me to the seventh sky. I realized that I was talking this shit like crazy, but you really do warming my heart._

_And I saw you were starting to know my best friend, Seungri. Seemed that you two having a really great conversation. But I'm a little bit afraid that he will like you. Yah... I know I shouldn't be selfish, but… it seemed like I can't let you with anyone else._

* * *

><p><em>Hanyeon,<em>

_Looks like the thing that I was afraid of came to reality. Seungri told me that he really likes you. He said he had put a tiny letter that told you to be at the back field around 4 o'clock._

_Don't mind me. I'm okay, really._

* * *

><p><em>Hanyeon…<em>

_I'm sorry because I have to do this. At least you were being with anyone else now. Seungri deserves you more than I do. And you like him too, right? I understand. So I will leave you both, letting the happy times just flowing between you both. And you don't have to be worry about that, I'll be okay._

_Despite the fact, I won't be okay since the doctor told me that I was having that illness. But I'll stay okay for my own life._

_I know I'm not exactly ready for this, but… it's time to say goodbye, Hanyeon._

* * *

><p><em>Why did you come to be so hard to forget?<em>

_Everything I could keep on my mind nowadays were just your bright smile, your flowing hair, your warm and sweet voice. Why are you hurting me like this, Hanyeon?_

_I saw you again this afternoon in the park. Once I was glad I could saw you around, but it hurts like hell when I remembered that you're now with Seungri. He caressed your hair, softly. He brought you ice cream, Cookies and Cream, which you loved so much in your entire life. He rode the motorcycle for you, drove you home, and it made me realize a thing._

_That should be me._

* * *

><p><em>Hanyeon…<em>

_My head hurts a lot again tonight. I can't do anything but grabbed those bed sheets like crazy and screaming like I was in a middle of a war. It really hurts like I never could handle. I wish you were here to relief the pain..._

_I want to forget the fact that you were with Seungri now. I really want to. At least it doesn't bring me another pain after this one comes. Just let me am…_

* * *

><p><em>Thanks for considering me as your bestest friend, Hanyeon. I know we have much known each other like a year, and I know it much more than that. But at least I'm happy even I could just be your best friend. <em>

_And I'm glad that we could sit together at the stadium for watching the football cup. We've talked and laughed a lot, and it brought me a lot of happiness. Thank you so much._

_And another thing I should be glad for… I could finally see your bright smile again, even it was Seungri who made you smiled like that. Keep smiling that way, Hanyeon. For the last three months of my life._

* * *

><p><em>Hey Hanyeon,<em>

_I'm happy that I could meet you again today. Looks like you were kinda suspicious with my new look. Is that wrong for me to start wearing beanies? Because I don't want you to be more suspicious if I'm not wearing this beanie. I'm starting to be bald because of that stupid chemotherapy. And I don't want anybody to know about this._

_I saw you were being with Seungri all the time. It hurts me a lot actually, since my feelings were all the same. But what can I do? I only can see you from the distance, being a stalker all the time, and burying this feeling deeper and deeper as you're starting to stay far far away from me._

_I couldn't do much, I only just can wishing you for the best happiness. Only for the brightest smile I've ever seen…_

* * *

><p><em>It has been a month you were in a relationship with Seungri. That means my life is no longer than 2 months. I saw both of you were in the cafeteria, eating your lunch. But why I saw a sad looking face on yours? What happened with you?<em>

_It already hurts me a lot to know that you couldn't be mine. Please don't give me another hurt by hurting yourself…_

* * *

><p><em>I hate to see girls crying. Either when it comes to you, Hanyeon.<em>

_I don't get any idea of why could he hurt you that much. I've never known that Seungri had changed too much. But why did you keep saying that it wasn't his fault? What is the real thing that happened?_

_Sorry if I suddenly hug you on my side. But this is the only way I could relief your pain. I could only give my shoulder for you to lean. Cry as much as you want, Hanyeon. Dry your tears, because I don't want to see your tears were falling again. I just want to see you happy. Smile for me again as you used to._

* * *

><p><em>I realized this might be the last week of my life. It almost been 3 months since the doctor diagnosed me with that disease. I've been being on the hospital about thousand times, and it made me feel so sick. I'm sick of the hospital, I'm sick of being hurt, and I'm sick of always lying at you, Hanyeon.<em>

_And the thing I was being so sick most is…. I've given you the biggest hurt I've ever done to anyone._

_I'm very very sorry Hanyeon… Maybe a sorry wasn't really enough for you, even if I do it for the rest of my life. I've been such a sinner who made the biggest sin ever in his life. I've been such a loser in the last moment of my own life…_

_But if I don't do this, I couldn't imagine how the things could go by. I don't want you to hurt much more than today. I don't want you to know all the things that I've been hiding for all this time. I don't want you to know that I also have the same feeling as yours, and then you'll get hurt in the end because I'll be no longer living in this world…_

_Sorry for rejecting your feelings, Hanyeon. You have to know that I was as hurt as you are, maybe more than that. But I'd better keep it as a secret. I'll let you just cry for a night, but after that please never do that again in the rest of your life._

_I love you too, Hanyeon. More than you ever thought before. More than Seungri ever gave to you. More than the rose I've ever gave to you. You're the only one who ever taught me what the real love is._

_Saranghaeyo, Hanyeon. Please forgive me. Forgive me for torturing your heart, and forgive me if I had to leave you._

* * *

><p>Hanyeon closed the book that she had been reading for about an hour. Her mind randomly started to rip apart, as she started to shed some tears. The book that Dami had given to her was made her heart tortured perfectly. Every memory that she had been passed for about a year was playing very fast on her head.<p>

"Hanyeon…?"

Softly Dami caressed her hair. Tears came flowing on both of their faces.

"Unnie… So Jiyong… was…"

"Yes dear. He loves you since the first time you entered that school. Like what you do."

Hanyeon looked down between the silences that wrapped around them. Only the voices of rolling beds filled the silences between them, and the smell of medicines that were also hanging around them, make them sick in every breath they take. Hanyeon cried harder as Dami hugged her, being so much in pain after reading the book, which was Jiyong's diary for this past year.

She had been so much hurt when Jiyong rejected her feelings by saying that he was with anyone else. But the actual thing that happened was far different. She loves him since her first day of being a freshman, and so does he. She gave him a Diet Coke for a caring purpose, and that's what he did with the roses. She lied by taking Seungri as her boyfriend for his own good, and he did the same thing by stated that he was in a relationship. Both of them loved each other in a very much torturing way.

Hanyeon stood up from the chair she was sitting, looked through the window which was separating her from Jiyong. She stared at Jiyong, deeply. She held her heart that was tortured apart seeing all the machines that has been helping his life for this past month, while the boy was doing nothing but fall into a deep sleep that everyone doesn't know how and when he'll wake. That brain cancer was suffering him a lot, until now he's almost exhausted and had no chances to have a normal life.

All they might need was only miracle.

That was the only reason why Dami brought the diary to Hanyeon. She hopes that Hanyeon will wake her brother up, since Hanyeon was the last person that Jiyong had been thinking about a lot. She doesn't care if Jiyong will mad if he knows that she had given the diary to Hanyeon. All that she could think about was just her brother safety, nothing left.

Hanyeon walked through the door, going into Jiyong's patient room. A single monotone voice came out from the machine, means that he's still alive. She sat right beside his expressionless face, caressing his gold blonde hair that had been grown after being bald for a month ago. A single tear flew down through her cheeks, escaped to her lips.

"Oppa, I couldn't believe that I can see you again. We haven't met each other for a month…"

She let the silence companying her while she was thinking, then she continued talking.

"I've got to tell you something, oppa. Maybe you've already knew about this, but… I'll just tell it again to you."

"There's someone who caught my attention on my first day of school. He was the most handsome and charming boy I've ever seen. He held a camera with both of his hands, took every shot with the sweetest smile I've ever seen. Even every senior were also nice to me, but for me, he is the only senior which I adore."

"I was so happy because the next two days when the committee picked me as represent for the singing contest. I love singing so much, but the only thing I could think about that time was him. I thought he would see me on the practicing room, and I'm glad that I saw him, even he doesn't seem to pay attention to me."

"As the days passed by, I realized I didn't only adore him. I love him already. I started to be care to him, by bringing him drinks for his dance club, even I refused to join the club. Then all the girls in school started to trick me, thinking that I was one of their rivals. But I don't care. I will just keep this feeling for myself, for the sweetest smile I've ever seen."

"We started to know each other right after I decided to change my fashion style. I started to put off my glasses, and make a cute appearance on myself, so I could get his attention. I'm very happy to know that we have known each other well already. But then Seungri oppa came and the girls used him to make me stay away from him. They forced me to accept Seungri oppa as my boyfriend or they would terrorize him. I have nothing but those hard choices so…. I decided to accept Seungri oppa as my boyfriend."

She started to shed some tears again.

"I wasn't as happy as before. I realized I've so much far away from him. Seungri oppa always tried to catch my attention so I wouldn't get any chances to talk with him. My heart was being so broken, like I would never able to fix it again. Then I decided to break him up, and he came to comfort me. But the saddest thing was he was already with anyone else."

"I've cried a lot that night, when I knew he was with anyone else. He is the only thing that could grow up my spirit, curved a smile even I'm about to shed some tears…. He had done too much in my life. I never could get over him, even until now. He made me feel the biggest love I've ever had to someone, and teach me what the real love is. Even we had through so much torturing way, I know that we still haven't reach our best. He is you, oppa. He is Kwon Jiyong, which could only be you."

"So I beg you, oppa. Please, come back. There are too many people who were missing you. Daesung oppa, Youngbae oppa, Seunghyun oppa, even Seungri oppa, they all need you here. Dami unnie had been done so much for your cure, even spending so many times just because she wants you back. Either does me, oppa. I love you so much, even until this time. I want you to back, and stay here with me. I want to fill your days with happiness, because I always want to be with you. Please, don't leave us. Stay here… I don't want you to be in such of misery again, oppa. Please, just let me…. And bring back the happiness that your family and friends ever wanted…"

She stopped as she realized she doesn't have more words to say. She held the boy's hand, hoping that the boy could respond her. She has been waiting for about 15 minutes, until the next 15 minutes, and more 15 minutes, but there's nothing happened.

She cried again. She was giving up. She felt like she was doing nothing but just telling bullshit to the wind. She realized he wouldn't hear what she said. She felt like she was too late, for confessing everything to him in this time. She ended up with kissed the boy's forehead, left a single tear on his forehead. She whispered a very simple word she ever wanted to say to him.

"Saranghae oppa. Yeongwonhi saranghae."

She was about to walk out the door, but there's something happened. She felt his hand was gripping her hand tight, not letting her go walk out the door. She stopped a while, then taking some closer steps to him. An unexpected word came out from his mouth.

"Han..yeon.."

She was surprised. She took a quick glance and a sudden act to caress his hair softly.

"Yes, oppa?"

"Han…yeon… Ka… Kajima…"

A beautiful smile grew on her little pink lips, continued by a gasp after Jiyong's eyes were started to open up. She kissed his forehead and quickly rushed out the door. She saw Dami was there, still crying.

"Unnie! Unnie! Jiyong oppa has woken up!"

* * *

><p><em>Dear diary,<em>

_It's me again, Hanyeon. Sorry if I haven't been using this diary since a year ago. I have been too busy of my own schedule, also for the 12__th__ grade's graduation. You know what? I'm one of the committee, which work on the stage decoration! This is wonderful. I could do so many things on decorating since they've chosen me as the coordinator._

_My school went pretty much fine and cheerful. There's nothing bad happened so far, yah, maybe just a little bit annoying things could come but couldn't mess up my day. Let's make it short. I've been living the very, very happy life. The best life ever in my whole life._

_And you'll also be surprised when you know about this happy news. The most wonderful happy news I always wanted to hear in my life, the most wonderful happy news that has been filling my dull days with joy_

_Me and Jiyong oppa decided to be a couple since a year ago!_

_Isn't that amazing? It's just like a dream come true! You're my only witness of my love life, which ever been sad and hopeless. You heard my cry after losing him, you heard my laugh after he greeted me, and you heard everything I've told you about him, right? That's why, you might also be happy about this news._

_I'm so happy like I've never before. Jiyong oppa was just like a miracle, sent to me from the angels above to completing my life. He woke up from his deep sleep when everyone thought he had no chance to live. He replaced every cries and miseries in my life with happiness, joy, and love. He taught me again what the true love is, and the best thing that ever happened is… He gave his sweetest smile, and his endless love, to me, the ugly duckling that ever lived in school._

_Thank you so much, Jiyong oppa. You're everything in my life. From yesterday, until tomorrow, even tomorrow ends. Saranghae._

* * *

><p>A smile grew on Jiyong's lips. He closed the book slowly, put it back on its place carefully, not to wake the girl which was sleeping on the bed beside him. He placed himself right in front of the girl's face, which was peacefully fall into her dreamland. He caressed her hair softly, feeling her smooth hair slipped between his fingers spaces. A warm feeling slowly comforted him, left a light feeling of joy on his heart. He couldn't believe that finally he wasn't a stalker for her anymore. She's already being his girl, the thing that he always dreamt of.<p>

He realized he finally doesn't have to wish anymore. Every wish he had on the past, now he did in the future. He already had the one he had wished for, the one which he could hold by himself, the one who could bring him happiness in his whole life. The one, it's Hanyeon. The only girl he ever wished to be by his side.

He gave a light peck on her cheek, and a little caress, before he stood up. He sat on the chair that was about 3 meters next to her, picked up Hanyeon's diary. He opened the last page which has Hanyeon's handwriting there, and gave a little note on the bottom of the last diary.

_You don't have to thank me, dear. It's us who made this life even much better than the past. We filled our days with love and happiness, which both of us have ever wanted so badly. We made it, but we haven't finished yet. We still have a long way of journey to be passed. And I know we can do it together._

_Thanks for letting me being yours, Hanyeon. Thanks for choosing me as your guardian, to protect you by my side, and your lover, who always bring you joys and happiness. I'll love you forever, even if forever last. Yeongwonhi saranghae._

_- Fin -_


End file.
